Day with the Lord

Walking up the sidewalk, I have to keep talking, or else all I can focus on is the Clinic looming out in front of me. With some kind of....uneasy feeling always lingering around it. And the fear is already settled in my heart or mind. Greetings to friends as I arrive is always a relief and encouragement. Going through this experience with someone can only pull you closer together. No matter your denomination or age. I always hope there is some good news that I have somehow missed or not heard. But even if there isn't, there is always smiles and just simple talk about what the Lord is doing or what we hope and pray He will do.
I try to settle in, standing feels awkward. Like I'm all of a sudden seven feet tall. So I sit.
The sounds of traffic and shoes on the sidewalk break my concentration. The only way to keep myself focused is the constant music playing in my ears. Music that reflects what the Lord is doing in my life, or just praise for who He is.
Every car begins to seem threatening. My brain suddenly can not forget how much damage an SUV traveling at 40 MPH could do to my Mom, or Audra, or even me. How much anger does that person in their suburban feel towards this act for the Lord. How far would that driver go to make a stand for the pro-choice movement. I'm sitting on the curb, would they ever possibly think of crushing my foot to spite our conviction?

My Child, Do not fear, for the Lord is with you, even to the end of the age.

Not only do I think about the cars, but....what about the people? every scratchy boot coming up the sidewalk begins to sound ominous. Every high heel makes my heart stutter with fear.
What if they stop? What if they yell? What if they suddenly strike out? What if they want to argue?
What of this one God, are they going to condemn or encourage? Are they going to curse or offer a smile?
What if they don't know what we're doing? That would be better, right Lord? We could have complete peace to pray to You.
If I look casual maybe they'll assume I'm waiting for a ride to class.
If I seem impatient, will they assume I'm waiting for someone inside the hospital?
If they think I look heart broken will they assume it's just too painful for me to go in the hospital to see my ailing relative?
But then Lord, why am I here?
Is it for myself? To make myself feel better because I feel like I'm doing something. To stay in my comfort zone? To never cause anyone any inconvenience. Even if that inconvenience is brought on by someone standing for Christ.
Am I not there for the women? Who are experiencing pain. Or regret. Or fear.
Am I not there for the guys. who feel shame. Who feel trapped. Who feel like they'll never be able to make this up to the girl beside them.
Am I not there for the children? These precious babies that are gifts from you. Who are created by your hands. Who are unwanted or unloved. Who are degraded and depreciated.
Am I not there for the doctors and nurses who are lost Lord? Who have not heard Your truth. Or have withheld their heart from You. Who need healing and purpose and truth.

"For I have not given you a spirit of fear. But of power and love and of sound mind." If you are for Me daughter, who can be against you?

No Lord, let me represent You. Put me in situations Father that shove me out of my safe bubble.
Be the only thing everyone who passes can see.
Less of me, and ever more of You Jesus.

Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, and not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that from God. -Philippians 1:27-28