ACT's, Colleges, stress...what was I doing?

Hello again! Thanks to those of you who commented, it's great to hear encouraging words! And now be prepared for a semi-vent, semi-grateful revelation.

So I've just turned 17! And I'm a junior in High School this year, something I'm not fully resigned to but I'm getting there. For some reason I sometimes hate to think I'm actually growing up, which is crazy because most teenagers can't wait till the day they get to get out on their own away from their childhood home (or in my case homeS). But personally I think it's mostly the weight of total responsibility that is finally beginning to weigh on my mind. I've never actually been totally responsible for myself, because my parents are awesome basically, haha. I've never wanted for anything that I can remember, unless you count my life-long dream of them presenting me with a pony ;-).
But as my mind begins to adjust to the thought of actually being out on my own, I'm warming to it of course, the weight is lessening, mostly because of the daily praying that's been taken place about just that fact. It's also been forcing me to think about HOW I'm going to start taking care of myself, i.e. what career I'm going to pursue.
My Brain:
Where am I going to go? What am I even good at? How the heck am I ever going to pay for a good education? How am I ever going to find a good enough job to support myself? Where am I going to live? What am I going to major in? Can I even pass the ACT's?
My mind literally didn't want to stop for a while. I hadn't answered one question before I thought of another one.And all I could think of was how I didn't think I'd ever be able to accomplish what I needed to accomplish to be successful in my life, (and all this before I'd even turned 17). After juggling ideas and stressing till I wanted to pull my hair out, my mom finally hit me with something. She reminded me that as long as I earnestly seeking after God's will, then I'm doing what I'm supposed to.
My dad has told all five of us for...pretty much as long as I can remember to always "pursue our passions". Pursue something we enjoy doing, that would never get mundane to us, what we're truly passionate about. God has blessed me in that what I'm passionate about and enjoy is also what I feel I'm good at. At least better at than other things. Working with kids and English. The first one I'm not really good at, I just enjoy it. I'm never uncomfortable working with kids, which is rare for me. I can usually find at least one thing to make myself uncomfortable :-P. I don't care who I have to talk to or what I have to do, if it has something to do with taking care of or interacting with kids I'm totally at ease and I have a lot of fun.
English, ahh English! Definitely something I'm passionate about! Anything English, literature, writing related is my ultimate comfort zone.
A few weeks ago, a light bulb goes off. If what I'm passionate about is also what I'm good at, maybe that's God way of telling me His will. He created me, gave me my personality, my likes and dislikes, everything I excel at is only because of Him. So maybe that's what I should pursue in my life. Heeeeyyy, that actually makes sense. BIG "duh" moment for me.
I can not even begin to tell you the relief and feeling of peace that has somewhat assailed me. I'm suddenly reminded that God knows what's going to happen in my life, and knows how it's going to happen, so I don't have to worry about it. I think one of my life verses has become, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34. It's so amazing for me to think that I have someone watching out for me that cares about every little detail of my life, that knows what I need and will provide it. I have a pretty easy assignment, don't worry about what will happen, lean on God, follow what he tells you, and he'll take care of everything. As long as I display Christ , lift him up in my life, I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Isn't that incredible?









Thanks for reading through this long rant-like blog!